A date

As part of my condition, relating and connecting with other people is almost an impossibility. Last night I actually went on a date, which is awkward I would guess with any 44yr old, but more so for me. This guy I went to dinner with actually approached me at the gym and asked me out. This was a first in my life, and even though I would guess (and later confirm) that he was half my age, he was damn cute and the whole episode was flattering. I readily accepted his invite, not at all playing coy.

One of the pleasures I have in life is good food. Since moving back to SLC, good food has been as scare as good company. We decided to go to dinner at Cucina Tuscana, which I had enjoyed previously. The placed was busy, as it was last time I had been there, which is always a good sign. When the waiter came over and asked if we would like something to drink, my date asked for the wine list and proceeded to choose a bottle of wine for us. This was a first for me, as I have always been the more aggressive in these situations. The part of me that needs to be in control, or I feel out of control. Overall the food was good, and the conversation flowed. Until, as I was talking about something, my date interrupted me and asked if I everything was alright. Puzzled, I said yes and asked why. He replied that he felt as though he has been talking to two different people tonight, and felt very uncomfortable. Needless to say at this point I was scared to death. I tried my best to explain that I was okay, and apologized that I made him uncomfortable. We finished up our meals, and he said he just wanted to go home. I drove him back to his place and we talked for a few minutes inside my truck. He said I was a cute guy and very friendly, but he really would rather not go out again. I thanked him for a pleasant evening, and said goodnight. I drove home shaking in a cold sweat and crying like a baby. This was the fourth person this year that I had met and who had told me that they didn't feel comfortable being around me. What can I do to fix me!!!!!